HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
Greetings! You’re probably here for one of several reasons…
- You may be disappointed you missed George Santos’ speech at Wallace Books
- You might be deciding where to get your Tom Dwyer Logo Tattoo
- You may have been “offered” services by one of our new Robotic Service Advisors
2) You may be fed up with Coronavirus and ready to worry about Corollavirus
3) You may be ready to move to your dream home in Dubious, Florida
4) You might want to sign the petition to stop the Oaks Bottom Condos
5) You may be as excited as we are about the new signs on the Sellwood Bridge
6) You could want to help support the Intellectual Deficit Equalization Act
7) You heard our “Corporate Auto Service Wonderland” radio ad
8) Your read our newsletter article on “The Fight to Ban DHMO”
9) You want to try our “Home Halogen Fluid Test”
10) You saw one of our Sellwood Bee ads and you’re either panic-buying automotive surgical masks, setting your DVR to record “No Parking in Sellwood”, doing some historical research, trying to find the Tenino Street exit, want to get your MagnaDrive fixed, want a ride on the HoverShuttle, a chat with a robot, or a hot-rock massage…
Sorry, but none of these are real. The Santos book reading was in Eastmoreland, not Sellwood, the prize in our Tattoo Contest is a bumper sticker instead of a cabin air filter, automotive surgical masks do virtually nothing to stop infection with Corollavirus, parking spaces have been extinct in Sellwood for years, you can’t reserve a space in the parking slab quite yet, the Condo project is planned for Sellwood Waterfront Park and not Oaks Bottom, there are no new signs (yet) on Tacoma Street, our Service Advisors are the same cranky humans you know and love, we aren’t changing to a profit-driven behemoth, hydric acid is OK in small amounts, your halogen fluid is fine, the HoverShuttle actually belongs to one of our clients, and MagnaDrive cars drive just fine even if their tridimensional stabilizers aren’t aligned. We just wanted to tell a few jokes to start the month off right.
(update 4/2/12– If you read the DHMO article through, you may be pleased to find that most of the websites mentioned actually exist, and do have a lot of very funny followup. Try DHMO.org, Uncyclopedia, or Friends of Hydrogen Hydroxide.)
