Jeff Foxworthy hit it big in the 90’s with his “You Might Be A Redneck” one liners, but we haven’t heard much from him in a while. That is, until we saw these “You Might Be An Oregonian” jokes online. They’re purportedly from Jeff, and although we weren’t able to authenticate that we were able to authenticate that they are just as funny, and just as spot-on, as his redneck jokes. Enjoy, and try not to wince too much…
- If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you might live in Oregon.
- If you’ve worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you might live in Oregon..
- If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you might live in Oregon.
- If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Oregon.
- If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you might live in Oregon.
- If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you might live in Oregon.
- If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you might live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.
- If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you might live in Oregon.
- If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you might live in Oregon.
- If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you might live in Oregon.
- If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal, you might live in Oregon.
- If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you might live in Oregon.
- If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Dutch Bros, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you might live in Oregon.
- If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you might live in Oregon.
- If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you might live in Oregon.
- If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you might live in Oregon.
- If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you might live in Oregon.
- If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you might live in Oregon
- If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know the state flower is mildew, you might live in Oregon.
- If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you might live in Oregon.
- If you use the statement “sun break” and know what it means, you might live in Oregon.
- If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you might live in Oregon.
- If you feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant, you might live in Oregon.
- If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you might live in Oregon.
- If, in winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark – while only working eight-hour days, you might live in Oregon.
- If you are not fazed by “Today’s forecast: showers followed by rain,” and “Tomorrow’s forecast: rain followed by showers”, you might live in Oregon.
- If you have no concept of humidity without precipitation, you might live in Oregon..
- If you can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through cloud cover, you might live in Oregon..
