The selection of Paul Ryan as VP nominee started an immediate avalanche of internet memes and jokes, but he’s not alone when it comes to being the butt of jokes. The VP’s come in for almost as much abuse as their top-ticket partners. Here are a few of the latest Ryan jokes, but we also went back over the last few election cycles and found a few jokes about each of the VP candidates. Sorry, but we couldn’t find any jokes about Lloyd Bentsen, Geraldine Ferraro, Walter Mondale, or Jack Kemp, Enjoy!
Paul Ryan
“And then there’s Congressman Paul Ryan. On the plus side, he has piercing blue bedroom eyes. On the minus side, he’s a heartless smirking bastard, and the only people who can stand him are heartless smirking bastards. And Mitt, you already have that vote locked up.” –Bill Maher
“Paul Ryan made all his interns read Ayn Rand. So I guess we know where he stands on torture.” -Andy Borowitz
“Paul Ryan being sworn in as President would be a great last scene in a Planet of the Apes remake.” -Andy Borowitz on Twitter
“Paul Ryan seems like the kind of guy you could have a beer with, just before he takes your Medicare away.” -Mark Harris on Twitter
“Paul Ryan is Romney’s pick for VP. Perfect choice. Ryan’s a water boy for the super rich and Mitt Romney is thirsty.” -Adam McKay on Twitter
“Since Romney doesn’t care about poor people, he needed to balance the ticket with someone who doesn’t care about old people.” -Andy Borowitz
“Paul Ryan introduced a budget plan that would overhaul Medicare and make deep cuts to other social and healthcare programs because he believes the American people have said loud and clear: ‘stop using my tax dollars to take care of me.'” -Seth Meyers
Joe Biden
“A reporter in Florida was forced into a closet by Joe Biden’s staff to keep him from talking to guests at a fund-raiser. The guy said it wouldn’t have been so bad if Biden wasn’t already in there for the same reason.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Sarah Palin has managed to use her failed vice presidential run to put herself in a position of power and influence. Joe Biden won the race and he hasn’t been able to put himself in a position of power and influence.” –Craig Ferguson
“Democrats are calling Christine O’Donnell ‘the Sarah Palin of the East.’ Really? She’s a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That’s not Sarah Palin, that’s Joe Biden.” –Craig Ferguson
John Edwards
“In an interview in GQ magazine, John Edwards’s mistress said she slept with him on the first day they met, but she wasn’t his mistress, she was just playing the role. And, apparently, the audition went so well, she got the job!” -Jay Leno
“John Edwards also dropped out of the race today. He said he wants to spend more time with his haircut.” –David Letterman
“Don’t worry about Edwards. He’s going back to hosting ‘Wheel of Fortune,’ so he’ll be fine.” –David Letterman
Joe Lieberman
“You know what is worse than being sick and not having health insurance? Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you.” –Jon Stewart
“Joe Lieberman lost his own party’s nomination. He was beaten by newcomer Ned Lamont, or you might know him as, ‘Who? What?’ … But to Joe Lieberman’s credit, he was just as dull in defeat as he would have been in victory.” –Jay Leno
“A lot of people thought Joe Lieberman lost because of the kiss that President Bush gave him at the State of the Union Address. So let that be a little lesson for all you Democratic senators out there. You want to keep your job, don’t make out with President Bush in public.” –Jay Leno
Al Gore
“After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man’s carbon footprints.” –Bill Maher
“Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush.” –Amy Poehler
“A lot of people said Al Gore was the best vice president the country ever had. Not to take anything away from Al, but look at the competition. He replaced a guy who couldn’t spell ‘potato’ and was followed by a guy who shot someone in the face.” –Jay Leno
Lloyd Bentsen
(There wasn’t a Bentsen joke we could find, but his one memorable quote still stands out)
Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy. -Lloyd Bentsen
Sarah Palin
Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that’s who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can. (Bill Maher)
Well in that interview, you know, Sarah Palin couldn’t name a single newspaper she read … which wouldn’t be so bad, except her major was in – journalism. (Jay Leno)
Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in town. John McCain took her over to the U.N. to introduce her to all the world leaders. It looked like Take Your Daughter to Work Day. (David Letterman)
Dick Cheney
“But the speech went over pretty well. I mean, Cheney was interrupted five times by applause and 50 times by people screaming, ‘Stop! I’ll tell you everything! What do you want to know? Just stop, please! Don’t go on!'” –David Letterman
“Dick Cheney had an awkward moment tonight at the White House Halloween party. He went dressed as Darth Vader and at the party, he ran into the real Darth Vader who was dressed as Dick Cheney.” –Jay Leno
“Dick Cheney gave Joe Biden tour of the vice president’s living quarters. Yeah, afterwards, Biden said he loves the house, but he’ll probably turn the dungeon back into a rec room.” –Conan O’Brien
Dan Quayle (There were very few jokes about him, but Dan filled in just fine for himself)
“The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.”
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
