December is awfully crowded in Drew’s Kitchen with all the fruitcakes, turkeys, desserts, and other holiday necessities stacked around, so when we noticed Drew stumbling and tripping past the stove we at first thought that was the problem. When he started shouting out obscene Christmas carols we looked a little closer, and his recipe this month gave us a clue as to what the REAL problem might be…
Sloshy Uncle Drew’s Best Fruitcake Ever!
Ingredients
- 1 cup butter
- 1 cup sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 1 cup dried fruit
- 1 tablespoon baking powder
- 1 tablespoon baking soda
- 1 tablespoon salt
- Lemon juice
- 1 cup brown sugar
- Assorted nut
- 1 or 2 quarts whiskey
Preparation
- Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn’t it?
- Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
- With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bow. Add 1 tablespoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Try another cup.
- Open the second quart. Add the 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If fruit gets stuck in the beaters, just pri it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, checking for toxscisticity. Next sift 3 cups of salt or something, it really doesn’t matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift ½ pint of lemon juice. Pour in a little of whatever that is on the counter over there.
- Get up off of the floor. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find and wix mell.
- Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess in the coven and ake. Check the whiskey again. When the fire alarm gets too annoying, pull the cake out of the oven and throw it away. Dispose of any high-quality whiskey there may be leftover.
- Go to bed.
