“They” say there’s been strange goings-on at the old Dwyer Place lately, that old gray building down by the crumbly bridge. Course, “they” say it’s a mighty strange place from the get-go… lots of cars going by all the time, makin’ scary noises and stuff. But the thing is, see, that once those cars roll through the big, dark doors in front of Dwyer’s, they never come out the same. Sure, the cars’ll look just fine, but you can bet they won’t be makin’ those scary noises no more. And the people who bring the cars? Well, you never, EVER hear ‘em complain. Why, folks ‘round these parts say it gets even stranger this time of the year, what with candy treats at the shop, animals in costume, little monsters creeping around Sellwood, 2-sentence-stories you can tell at your own Halloween party, and more. So settle back and check in with Old Man Dwyer’s 2015 Halloween Survival Guide… you may have to stay the night! BWAHH HAAA HAAA HAA HA!
Monster March
One thing you absolutely MUST know to survive Halloween in Sellwood is the date of the Monster March. From the Sellwood Bee… “The annual Moreland Monster March in Westmoreland starts at 3 pm sharp at Llewellyn Elementary 
School, S.E. 14th and Tolman, proceeding east to Milwaukie Avenue, south to Bybee Boulevard, west to 14th, and then back to the school. It’s sponsored by the merchant members of the Sellwood Westmoreland Business Alliance and QFC Market, and is open to all. In costume? March in the parade, regardless of age or species! Not in costume? Gather on the sidewalks to watch the parade go by! Treats at the finish! It’s on, rain or shine, so if there are clouds, bring your umbrella.”
Drew’s Kitchen… of FEAR!
Drew’s Experimental Test Kitchen is a shining temple of culinary technology, but most people don’t know about the dusty, secret door in the back, the one that leads to… Drew’s Dungeon. It’s where Drew cooks up his scariest concoctions, the ones that are only unveiled on Halloween. Click here for Drew’s Halloween Meat Hand, Spider Cookies, Flayed Face Cheese Ball, Ultimate Eyeballs, and Tentacle Pot Pie. Yum!
Halloween Goes to the Dogs
In 2013 we had an article with about 70 pictures of adorable animals in Halloween costumes, and strangely, that article has had people looking at it almost every day for the past two years. Is your dog ready for the Halloween Fashion Runway? Click here to find out…
Two-Sentence Terror
If you love ghost stories but can just never remember them, then we’re here to help. Here’s a whole library of spine-chillers that are just two sentences long; some even less…
I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.
The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.
Growing up with cats and dogs, I got used to the sounds of scratching at my door while I slept. Now that I live alone, it is much more unsettling.
In all of the time that I’ve lived alone in this house, I swear to God I’ve closed more doors than I’ve opened.
A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up and started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room and said “I heard that, too.”
She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn’t.
My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.
I awoke to the sound of the baby monitor crackling with a voice comforting my firstborn child. As I adjusted to a new position, my arm brushed against my wife, sleeping next to me.
I always thought my cat had a staring problem – she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.
There’s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it’s 1 a.m. and you’re home alone.
I was having a pleasant dream when what sounded like hammering woke me. After that, I could barely hear the muffled sound of dirt covering the coffin over my own screams.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispered, crawling into bed with me. I woke up cold, clutching the dress she was buried in.
After working a hard day I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn’t know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there.
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.”
You get home, tired after a long day’s work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.
I can’t move, breathe, speak or hear and it’s so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead.
She went upstairs to check on her sleeping toddler. The window was open and the bed was empty.
Don’t be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.
My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn’t help.
After working a hard day, I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn’t know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there.
There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.
They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.
She wondered why she was casting two shadows. After all, there was only a single lightbulb.
The grinning face stared at me from the darkness beyond my bedroom window. I live on the 14th floor.
I just saw my reflection blink.
They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping.
I kiss my wife and daughter goodnight before I go to sleep. When I wake up, I’m in a padded room and the nurses tell me it was just a dream.
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door.
After working a hard day I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn’t know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there.
My sister says that mommy killed her. Mommy says that I don’t have a sister.
