Humorousness- Mom Spotting

aaaHumorosnessRestOfNewsletterWe just celebrated Mother’s Day, the day we set aside to honor Mom for all the work she does the other 364 days.  Not a bad bargain!  But are YOU a Mom?  Although ‘having children’ is a strong indicator, it doesn’t really hurt to be sure.  Here are 24 sure-fire signs you’re a Mom… if any two of them describe you, then the ‘having children’ test isn’t really necessary.  (Co-authored by Mark Simmons, posted at WeMothers.com)

24 Clear Signs You’re A Mom

1. Instead of running from projectile vomit, you run towards it.

2. You do more in seven minutes than most people do all day.

3. Happy hour is the 60 minutes between your kids going to bed and you going to bed.

4. A night of drinking requires more recovery time than minor surgery.

5. A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit.

6. You have mini-therapy sessions all day long with anyone who will listen.

7. Going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.

8. You can experience heaven and hell at the same time.

9. You think of physical pain on 3levels: pain, excruciating pain and stepping on a Lego.

10. You have the ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors in the middle of the night, two bedrooms away, while your SO snores next to you.

11. You’d rather have a 103 degree fever than watch one of your kids suffer with it.

12. You’d rather go to sleep than have sex.

13. A 15-minute shower with the door locked feels like a day at the spa.

14. Peeing with an audience is part of the daily routine.

15. You use baby wipes to clean up random spills and the dash of your car.

16. You lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend to have diarrhea just to get a break.

17. You love Moms’ Night Out and Date Night with the Hubs.

18. You have a secret chocolate stash because frankly, you’re sick of sharing.

19. You’ve been washing the same load of laundry for 3 days because you forgot to dry it.

20. You realize you’ve been watching Nick Jr. alone, even though your kids have been in bed for over 30 minutes.

21. You can cook dinner, breastfeed, talk on the phone and yell at the kids, all without breaking stride or missing any of the TV show you are watching.

22. You get more excited about the Mini Boden Catalogue than J Crew’s.

23. You decide to stick with your car for the next decade because a) you can’t afford to switch and b) you haven’t found a car wash that knows how to get all the milk stains and glitter removed.

24. By the end of the day, brushing your teeth feels like a huge accomplishment.

…and Happy Mothers’ Day to anyone who recognizes themselves on this list!

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