In 2021 we ran across a posting from an essential oil advocate describing an event that theoretically took place in a park but almost certainly happened in their head instead. We added a few observations of our own and included it in Health Notes, and later posted it on Quora.com where it’s been viewed well over 16,000 times. We tweaked some of our original grammatical errors and present it again now for your April Fools consideration….
Here’s what we’re up against… Essential Oil Fan Fiction
(originally published June 2021)
Our Health Note for this month is from an enthusiastic but apparently delusional Essential Oil advocate, re-posted by someone else with just one comment: “Apparently, essential oil fan fiction is now a thing.”
Sane, sensible people probably don’t spend a lot of time where postings like this appear, so you may not know this stuff is going around. When people give up on the scientific consensus of medical experts and go looking for ‘alternative explanations’, this is often what they find instead.
There’s no real health information in this tripe, but there’s still much for all of us to learn. For example,
- Nut allergy sufferers are brainwashed to think their allergies can be triggered by other people eating bagged nuts across an open area.
- Essential Oil salespeople are typically assaulted by “normies” while they’re quietly minding their own business in a park.
If you, a nut-allergic person, find yourself in this situation we have a short list of Do’s and Don’ts for you…
- DO NOT allow smug, silent people to inject you or your children with unlabeled syringes from their purses. BUT…
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT doubt yourself… this DOES NOT happen more often than you think.
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT allow them to immediately feed you almonds a doctor told you would be deadly.
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT ask if they are a doctor. You’ve already been a flamboyant idiot, and no answer they could give would make it better.
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT sign up for repeated injections.
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT give them £100. The traditional tipping rate when assaulted with a deadly weapon is closer to £150. Don’t cheap out.
- If you DO let them inject you, DO NOT ask for the rest of the almonds. Unknown injections are one thing, but you should never take food from strangers in parks!
It has been a true pleasure to share this Health Notes bulletin with you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled newsletter.
