Original from Meredith Masony on HuffPost, Feb 2019
Toddlers can be irritable, opinionated, self-righteous creatures. Parenting them often reminds me of taking care of a drunk friend. A drunk friend who lives with you and never leaves. Nonetheless, toddlers and irresponsible friends happen. Here are 30 things you can say to both your toddler and your drunk friend:
- You can’t nap here. You need to go to your bed.
- We don’t eat food from strangers.
- We never touch our private parts in public.
- We pee in toilets, not in the street.
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Keep your fingers out of your nose.
- I am not playing that song again. We have heard it 15 times. Put on your pants.
- Don’t put that in your mouth.
- It’s not nice to stare.
- Yes, those are boobies, but we don’t touch those.
- I know, couch is a funny word.
- You have to eat all your food.
- Stop looking at me like that.
- I’m going to tell your father.
- We need to use our “inside” voice.
- Please keep your hands to yourself.
- Don’t point, it’s rude.
- Please go back and wash your hands.
- Do you really think whining will get you what you want?
- Please hold my hand in the parking lot. I don’t want you to get hit by a car.
- I don’t have any more money. Please stop asking.
- I know I said you could have ice cream, but it’s too late now.
- Please don’t roll around in the grass, you are going to get your clothes dirty.
- I am not going to ask you to sit down again. SIT DOWN.
- Please don’t ask me if we’re almost there. I will tell you when we get there.
- Do you need to sit in my lap?
- I need you to use nice words.
- We don’t hit. Hitting is bad.
- Why are you holding yourself? Do you need to pee?
- I told you to sit here. Why did you leave? You have to tell me when you’re going somewhere.
Next time you have the task of taking care of a drunk friend, remember why you love them. Be patient and hold their hand. They probably won’t remember in the morning, but just like a toddler, they need your love.
Meredith is a work-from-home mother of three who writes about the inappropriate side of marriage and motherhood on her blog at That’s Inappropriate. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
