YELP attacked by weaponized humor
Yelp’s a great way to get a read on local businesses (we have 5 stars and 109 reviews on Yelp, in case you were wondering) or give a thumbs-up-or-down on a business you’ve dealt with, but it certainly has its downsides. As a user you’re never sure how real those reviews are or how sensible the reviewers were, and as a business there’s always the threat of a ‘bad Yelp review’ hanging over your head, deserved or not. The thing is there’s no way to ‘opt-out’ of Yelp, a company has nothing to say about it. 
And if there’s a bad review that the company knows to be by a competitor, or an employee’s ex-spouse, or whatever, there’s no one to talk to at Yelp that has the power to pull it down.
Companies seem stuck with Yelp, but Davide Cerretini and Michele Massimoare of Botto Bistro in Richmond, CA, decided they didn’t have to be. They began offering a 50% discount for anyone leaving a review on Yelp… a BAD REVIEW. Their “Hate us on Yelp” campaign has brought thousands of one-star reviews, nationwide attention, and an influx of smiling customers. Yelp has repeatedly contacted them to warn that soliciting reviews is against their policy, but that stick only works if a company wants to be on Yelp. David and Michele just laugh, and we thought you would too.
It’s well worth thumbing through the Botto Bistro website, with pages like their “Hall of Shame” for “the most amazing and stupid reviews ever written” or “The Village Idiot” for the dumbest questions asked at the store. To get you started, take a taste of their Yelp Pizza Menu. Che buono!
THE NEW YELP PIZZA MENU
All Yelp pizzas come with 2 gallons of ranch sauce, 2 liters of cherry coke and a fresh Vaffanculo homemade
THE YELP SUPREME
We will remove, filter and manipulate every topping at will.
THE ‘THAT’S A NICE PIZZA YOU HAVE THERE’
It would be a shame if something were to happen to it. So for only $5 extra we make sure your pizza is just fine.
THE HARASSMENT
Call for a free delivery pizza and make sure you leave your phone number so one of our pizza salesman can call you daily over and over.
THE HARD BARGAIN
Order your favorite pizza but we will make it wrong and for just $10 extra we’ll fix it for you!
THE YELP ELITE
Write 100 one star reviews for Botto and we’ll give you a special persons badge, a selfie with Spiderman or Batman (your choice) and a bullet shape pizza so you can shove it!
This one also comes extra large and with hot sauce.
THE EXTORTIONIST
Pay first for your favorite pizza, but we will not make it and we’ll keep the money, and if you try to say something we’ll also scratch your car.
Add garlic or jalapeno $2
THE PEOPLE LOVE US
We strongly recommend that you love us and buy pizza from us, because bad things can happen to you, your family and your business.
Just a friendly suggestion.
THE VAFFANCULO
Our specialty! Give us one star on yelp and get 50% off any pizza
THE BULLY
Please bring your Yelper attitude and try to threaten us with your Yelp app to get the pizza your way, we’d love to see that!
If you get it your way, it’s free.
COSA NOSTRA
For just a $370 monthly fee we allow you to buy pizza from us anytime you want.
It’s an offer you can’t refuse!
IF WE HAVE TO PAY SOMEONE WE PAY OUR CUSTOMERS! WE AIN’T GOING TO PAY YELP ANY PROTECTION FEE!
