Ahh, the political season, when we’re once again treated to a string of obfuscation, lies, gaffes, and most fun of all, the insults. This year we’ve heard Hillary and Bernie call each other unqualified, Trump call Cruz “Lyin’ Ted”, Boehner call Cruz “Lucifer”, insults about “hand” size, and so many more gems. But we’re really falling down on the quality of our insults. Back in the day, politicians really knew how to put their opponents in their place… at least before they put a bullet in them in a duel. Take a tour with us through the Memory Lane of past elections, and it may even make you feel better about the political climate today… maybe.
| … and to you, sir, treacherous in private friendship … and a hypocrite in public life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you are an apostate or an impostor, whether you have abandoned good principles or whether you ever had any. Thomas Paine (1737-1809), letter to George Washington (1732-99) |
| … as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death. Abraham Lincoln (1809-65) |
| … he insults the House of Lords and plagues the most eminent of his colleagues with the crabbed malice of a maundering witch. Benjamin Disraeli (1804-81) on the Earl of Aberdeen |
| … only a frantic pair of moustaches. T. E. Lawrence (1888-1935) on Ferdinand Foch (1851-1929), French marshal |
| … was brilliant to the top of his army hoots. David Lloyd George (1863-1945) on Douglas Haig (1861-1928), British field marshal |
| A cold-blooded, calculating, unprincipled usurper, without a virtue; no statesman, knowing nothing of commerce, political economy, or civil government, and supplying ignorance by bold presumption. Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), American president, on Napoleon Bonaparte |
| A crafty and lecherous old hypocrite whose very statue seems to gloat on the wenches as they walk the States House yard. William Cobbett (1763-1835), on Benjamin Franklin (1706-90), American statesman and scientist |
| A lamentably successful cross between a fox and a hog. James G. Blaine, American politician, on Benjamin Franklin Butler (1818-93), American soldier |
| A retail mind in a wholesale business. David Lloyd George (1863-1945) on Neville Chamberlain (1869-1940) |
| A tardy little marionette. Randolph Churchill (1849-95) on Clement Attlee (1883-1967) |
| A Winston Churchill who had never been to Harrow. H. G. Wells (1866-1946) on Huey Pierce Long, American politician |
| As an intellectual he bestowed upon the games of golf and bridge all the enthusiasm and perseverance that he withheld from books and ideas. Emmet Hughes, American writer, on Dwight Eisenhower (1890-1969), 34th American president |
| As he rose like a rocket, he fell like a stick. Thomas Paine (1737-1809), British political philosopher, on Edmund Burke (1729-97), British author and statesman |
| Chamberlain is no better than a Mayor of Birmingham, and in a lean year at that. Lord Hugh Cecil on Neville Chamberlain (1869-1940) |
| Dear Randolph, utterly unspoilt by failure. Noel Coward (1899-1973) on Randolph Churchill (1849-95) |
| Douglas can never be president, Sir. No, Sir; Douglas never can be president, Sir. His legs are too short, Sir. His coat, like a cow’s tail, hangs too near the ground, Sir. Thomas Hart Benton (1782-1858) on Stephen A. Douglas, presidential candidate |
| Dr Dread-Devil… said that there were no trees in Scotland. I wonder how they managed to take him around without letting him see trees. I suppose that that lick-spittle Boswell, or Mrs Piozzi, tied a bandage over his eyes when he went over the country which I have been over. I shall sweep away at this bundle of lies. William Cobbett (1763-1835) on Samuel Johnson (1709-84) |
| Every drop of blood in that man’s veins has eyes that look downward. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82), American philosopher and poet, on Daniel Webster, American politician |
| Filthy Story-Teller, Despot, Liar, Thief, Braggart, Buffoon, Usurper, Monster, Ignoramus Abe, Old Scoundrel, Perjurer, Robher, Swindler, Tyrant, Field-Butcher, Land-Pirate. Harper’s Weekly on Abraham Lincoln |
| Garfield has shown that he is not possessed of the backbone of an angleworm. Ulysses S. Grant (1822-85), 18th American president, on James A. Garfield (1831-81), 20th American president |
| Gladstone appears to me one of the contemptibilist men I ever looked on. A poor Ritualist; almost spectral kind of phantasm of a man. Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881), Scottish historian and essayist on William Ewart Gladstone (1809-98) |
| He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty. Sam Houston, American politician, on Thomas Jefferson Green (1801-63), American politician |
| He has committed every crime that does not require courage. Benjamin Disraeli on Daniel O’Connell (1775-1847), Irish lawyer, politician and agitator |
| He is a self-made man and worships his creator. attr. John Bright on Benjamin Disraeli (1804-81) |
| He is like a carving knife whetted on a brickbat. John Randolph (1773-1833) American politician, on Ben Harden, American politician |
| He lived a hypocrite and died a traitor. John Foster, English historian, on Oliver Cromwell (1599-1658), Lord Protector of England |
| He objected to ideas only when others had them. A. J. P. Taylor, British historian, on Ernest Bevin (1881-1951) British politician |
| He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened. Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin (1867-1947) |
| He only had one idea and that was wrong. Benjamin Disraeli on a now forgotten MP He is a mere cork, dancing in a current which he cannot control. Arthur Balfour (1848-1930), British prime minister on Henry Campbell-Bannerman (1836-1908), Liberal prime minister |
| He slept more than any other president, whether by day or night. Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored. H. L. Mencken (1880-1956) on Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933) |
| He spent his whole life in plastering together the true and the false and therefrom manufacturing the plausible. Stanley Baldwin (1867-1947) on David Lloyd George (1863-1945) |
| He thinks himself deaf because he no longer hears himself talked of. Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord (1754-1838) on Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768-1848) |
| He was essentially a prig, and among prigs there is a freemasonry which never fails. All the prigs spoke of him as the coming man. Benjamin Disraeli (1804-81) on William Ewart Gladstone (1809-98) |
| He was oppressed by metaphor, dislocated by parentheses and debilitated by amplification. Samuel Parr (1747-1825) on a speech by Edmund Burke (1729-97) |
…and of course, there’s always more…“In Praise of Political Insults” by Joseph Tartakovsky, The Wall Street Journal, July 2008 “Slinging Mud: Rude Nicknames, Scurrilous Slogans, and Insulting Slang from Two Centuries of American Politics”, Rosemarie Ostler, Sep 2011 “How To Insult Your Political Opponents” by Margaret Talbot, The New Yorker, May 2012 |
