In the quiet of summer, it’s easy to forget that the political season is not far away. Soon, the people who don’t deliver anything during the rest of their terms offer to make us laugh for free in the hopes that we’ll vote them into another term of ineffectiveness. It might be too sad to be funny as the reality of an election approaches, but right now we have the luxury to laugh. This month, Humorousness brings you the top 50 stupidest things said by people of both the major political stripes. Actually, we’re just bringing you the top 10 from each; you’ll have to click the links for the full stupidity.
50 Dumb Liberal Quotes (from number 10…)
10. Rosie O’Donnell: “Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.”
9. Howard Dean: “We know that no one person can succeed unless everybody else succeeds.”
8. John Kerry on the troops: “You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
7. Barack Obama: “I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?”
6. Former DNC Chairman Donald Fowler on possible delay of RNC convention due to Hurricane Gustav: “Plus they think the hurricane’s going to hit (starts laughing) New Orleans about the time they start. The timing, at least it appears now, that it’ll be there Monday. That just demonstrates God’s on our side”
5. John Conyers on the Health Care Bill, which he voted for: “I love these members, they get up and say, ‘Read the bill. What good is reading the bill if it’s a thousand pages and you don’t have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?'”
4. Joy Behar on Economics: “Isn’t it a little racist to call it Black Friday?”
3. Whoopi Goldberg on 43-year-old Roman Polanski raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl: “I know it wasn’t rape-rape. It was something else but I don’t believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and when they let him out he was like “You know what this guy’s going to give me a hundred years in jail I’m not staying, so that’s why he left.”
2. Joe Biden on culturalism: “In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.”
1. Sheryl Crow on Environmentalism: “I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.'”
50 Dumb Conservative Quotes (from number 10…)
10. President George W. Bush: “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Chanukah.”
9. Rush Limbaugh: ‘Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.”
8. George W. Bush: “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
7. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.: ”We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”
6. Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina): ”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.”
5. Jerry Falwell: “The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews.”
4. South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, arguing against government food assistance for poor residents: “My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”
3. Rush Limbaugh: “The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.”
2. President George W. Bush: “We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.”
1. Richard M. Nixon: “When the President does it, that means that it’s not illegal.”
