Other holidays have deeper meanings, but Halloween… it’s just for fun. That makes an ideal holiday for humor, and Humorousness is all set to jump on the bandwagon with these spooky treats…
Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.
Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.
Q: How do ghosts begin their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern…”
Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.
Q: What do you call a person who puts rat poison in a person’s Corn Flakes?
A: A cereal killer
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.
Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood.
Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.
Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.
Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.
Q: Where do vampires live?
A: At the Vampire State Building.
Q: Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A: They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: Lake Erie.
Q: How can you tell when a window is scared?
A: They get shudders.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.
Q: What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: What tops off a ghost’s sundae?
A: Whipped Scream
Q: What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can’t see anything?
A: A witch with her eyes closed.
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he’s always a goblin.
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
A: He’s mist.
Q: What sailor like to be chilled to the bone?
A: A skeleton crew.
Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: In the casketeria.
Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.
Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A: Toasty ghosty.
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.
Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A Sand-witch
Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A: A boo-loney sandwich.
Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf.
Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.
Q: Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
A: His ghoul friend.
Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.
Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.
Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
A: Hallowieners.
Q: What do you call serious rocks?
A: Grave stones.
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.
Q: Why did the witch’s mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.
Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones
Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin
The professor was removing organs from the deceased before his students, all the while saying, “. . . and this is the heart, and this is the liver, and this is the kidney, and this is . . .”
“What the heck is the professor doing?” asked a student.
“Shh! He’s giving an organ recital.”
You heard about the little mouse who looked up, saw a bat, and thought it was his fairy godmother?
Bloodshed – where the Red Cross keeps the plasma
Cemetery – bone zone.
Headline: “Due to strike, grave-digging at cemetery will be done by skeleton crews”
A kid stole a sign from a nursery and stuck it in front of a funeral parlor. It read: “LET US DO YOUR PLANTING FOR YOU.”
Undertaker – the last guy to let you down.
