When it comes to federal spending, all states are not created equal. Some states receive far more federal money than they’ve paid in federal taxes. A whopping 84 percent of the states that get back more than they pay in taxes are Red states. Year after year, the people in these states elect Republican candidates who bash the “moochers” in our country, never realizing that they’re suckling off the Blue teats themselves. But now, finally, there may be a way to correct this imbalance…
It hasn’t gotten the attention it deserves, but then the best ideas never do. Senate Bill 420, the “Intellectual Deficit Equalization Act” (IDEA) is the product of a unique coalition of Progressive Democrats and the few remaining Centrist Republicans. IDEA would require every citizen to take a civics test and the results would be tabulated by state. A tax would be imposed on the states whose citizens don’t score high enough. Those states would then lose federal dollars and also their electoral votes until their taxes were paid in full.
Delaware Democrat Gary Barratry was the one of the initial drafters of the bill. “I just finally got tired of hearing those yahoos whine about the money the Federal Government bleeds from them. They whine about the welfare queens when they’re the cream of royalty. Disability payments, welfare, Medicare, Medicaid, all the rest, they just keep taking. Who do these people think pays for the military bases in their states? Canada? It’s our Federal Government! And if they can’t make the ante it’s time they stopped playing the game.”
Indiana Republican Houston Fourberie is Barratry’s unlikely co-sponsor. “When you run the numbers it’s pretty obvious where the black hole in our country is. I couldn’t live with the shame anymore. I know we’re bitter, greedy sponges; we have been since Reagan took office. This bill is basically an attempt to let me, and any principle-driven Conservative, sleep at night.”
But how would the IDEA equalize the funding imbalance? “Houston and I were sitting in a D.C. bar about 3am and trying to do a little bi-partisan conferencing. We looked around for anything good that comes from the Red states. Florida’s got some nice beaches and Texas has Austin, but aside from that the little they produce is already taxed. We couldn’t find any way to really derive value from anything run by Republicans. But then Houston hit on the answer. He slurred it a little at first, but finally got the word out.”
“Stupidity,” said Fourberie. “Stupidity is the one thing these states produce in abundance. God, man, I lived in Alabama for a couple years! I don’t know of anything else that comes from that state in such a reliable stream. But you gotta admit, it’s hard to derive any value from stupidity. That stumped us for a while longer.”
But both Fourberie and Barratry had decades of inside-the-beltway experience to fall back on. Barratry was involved in drafting Obamacare, which eliminated any possibility for rational healthcare while still seeming attractive to Liberals. Fourberie cut his political teeth on cap-and-trade, the carbon emission reduction scheme that appears to work without actually being effective at all, but still allows profit to flow to energy companies. If anyone could wring value from stupidity it was these guys. But, after many more nights of inebriated conferencing they had to admit they were beaten.
That’s when Barratry had his breakthrough… “It occurred to me that if we couldn’t get the Reddies to carry their own weight, at least we could cut the weight the Bluesies were carrying. We can’t have a poll tax or test for individuals because of that pesky Constitution, but on a state level? It could work.”
Fourberie was immediately on board. “These Red Staters see themselves as educated on political issues, so they’re sure they’d pass the test and never have to pay the tax. But if there’s one constant in RepublicanLand it’s stupidity. We’d never have to carry that load again.”
SB420 has garnered almost no media recognition on any platform. Usually it’s hard to find evidence of direct suppression of a story, but not in this case. Bernard Fustian, an Associate Vice President at one of the six companies that controls our nation’s media (it doesn’t really matter which one, does it?) gave a short but full explanation. “We’ve relied on the stupidity of the Red States, and most of the Blue ones, for years. It’s our business model. We don’t want anything that in could in any way lead to the realization that the American public is dumb as a bag of hammers. I don’t care what the cost to the country is, this is our pocketbook we’re talking about.”
Without any media exposure, the fate of this SB420 is in your hands. Tell your friends, talk about it at work. And most importantly, get involved. This link is a good place to start. And with our help, in spite of the forces arrayed against it, maybe we can get this good IDEA into reality.